The Blind Men and the Elephant
A HINDOO FABLE.I.IT was six men of IndostanTo learning much inclined,Who went to see the Elephant(Though all of them were blind),That each by observationMight satisfy his mind.II.The First approached the Elephant,And happening to fallAgainst his broad ...
The Two Beds of Procrustes
In the Greek myth, Procrustes was a son of Poseidon with a stronghold on Mount Korydallos, on the sacred way between Athens and Eleusis. There, he had an iron bed in which he invited every passer-by to spend the night, and where he set to work on them...
She’s Got Legs
That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say "No" in any of them.— Dorothy Parker, 1893–1967I suppose I should say up front, Dear Readers, that as a heterosexual male of a certain age—one with what I suppose are all the common...
Milestone
Early this morning, O Dearly Beloved, while the East Coast of the United States slumbered (or at least I did), some poor benighted soul clicked an unsuspecting key on their computer, and the 1,000,000th page of this opinion emporium was summoned from t...
This Is Not a Blog Post
Thomas Jefferson: "Hi, Ben!"Benjamin Franklin: "Tom."Jefferson: "Ya got a minute?"Franklin: "Well, I tell you the truth, heh... we were just going out of town for the weekend. Heh-heh."Jefferson: "But it's only Wednesday."Franklin: "Yeah... Well,...
Leaves
Leave a lover with his thoughts for twenty-four hours and this is what will happen: At the salt mines of Salzburg, they throw a leafless wintry bough into one of the abandoned workings. Two or three months later they pull it out covered with a shining...
The Mailman Cometh
Emperor Joseph II: "My dear young man, don't take it too hard. Your work is ingenious. It's quality work. And there are simply too many notes, that's all. Just cut a few and it will be perfect."Mozart: "Which few did you have in mind, Majesty?"&mdash...
Standup Physics
Everybody needs a hobby, Dear Readers. Everybody. Even I have to take respite from high-level global financial parasitism on occasion, in order to maintain my keenly honed intellect and razor-sharp sarcasm.One of my hobbies is collecting books on the...
We Get Mail!
From the mailbox:1From: [Redacted]To: The Epicurean DealmakerSent: December 13, 2010 2:24 AMSubject: I need advice way more that the other slobs who write youTED,I found your commentary through ftalphaville which [I] read as part of an Investment B...
Another Supposedly Fun Thing I’ll Never Do Again
In the random, serendipitous sort of discovery one—okay: me, I admit it; perhaps you never do or have done such a stupid thing in your entire fucking life—makes while skimming about the internet like a mosquito sniffing out carbon monoxide ...
Four Fragments in Search of an Argument
From the unpublished archives:1.Jimmy Dugan: "Shit, Dottie, if you want to go back to Oregon and make a hundred babies, great. I'm in no position to tell anyone how to live. But sneaking out like this, quitting, you'll regret it for the rest of your...
Flight of the Puss Moth
Kilimanjaro is a snow covered mountain 19,710 feet high, and is said to be the highest mountain in Africa. Its western summit is called the Masai "Ngàje Ngài," the House of God. Close to the western summit there is the dried and frozen ...
